"Blognya Anak Kurang Kerjaan"

Coming back for a while. In the midst of the unknown, trying so hard to come back just so I can feel alive. It's been so long. But hey, at least I'm here right now.

How's life?
Isn't it beautiful? Even with all of the unknown, the repetition, the ups, an ofc the downs.

There's one thing that hit me hard.
Maybe not that hard, but still..
You know what?
Maybe I'm not really doing it right.
Maybe I just full of talk instead of doing it for real, taking actions.

Have you ever go to my instagram?
What did you see?
A bunch of quotes?
Just like in this blog?
Yap.
That's it.
That's the truth.

And have you ever go to another accounts in instagram?
Where the feed is full of their actions?
Trying so hard to make this world better even with their small figure?
Have you ever see something like that?
People who tried their best, not to waste their time for something unnecessary.

I've saw it.
A while ago.

And it hurts.
It hurts to know the truth,
 for I am being too selfish and waste my time for the unnecessary.
For talking too much without making the effort to realize it.
For busying myself with something that I shouldn't.
For forgetting the reasons why I still breathing.

And my lil heart screamed at me,
saying,
THIS ISN'T RIGHT!
Let's stop.
Let's stop wasting this precious time, sweetheart.

Our road may not be the same,
our role may be different in this huge world.
But let's face it.
Let's do our best to live this life,
letting our best to became one as the role that we perform.

Surely,
each of us have a meaning in this life.
And for that,
please keep going.

Life is definitely not easy. Who told you otherwise?

When I look to my parents—or every parents—eyes, I can see all traces of struggle, sacrifice, and a lot of things I don’t even know yet. Can you see it too?

Clearly, everything is not as easy as my old self thought.

But please, my future self, do not break apart. Do not allow all of those things around you make you fall apart. Remember that all of it doesn’t mean to break you. It happened, happens, and will happen to make you stronger. Remember Allaah all the way. Remember your Lord every single time, on every breath you take, on every situations you are in.

Please grow beautifully.

15/06/2018

Your Old Self.

People will grow old, mostly at the same pace. But growing up is another thing. Being an adult is so much different from just acting like an adult. Hence, I don't even know whether I'm growing up or not.

One thing I noticed is, sometimes, being old constrains us to grow up. And that's okay--or for some people it is wonderful. Who want to became old without growing up?

When I was younger, I remember having some thoughts about being the most miserable, sad, unhappy, and sacrificed the most. I don't know why I had that kind of thought. Is it because I haven't grown up yet? 

Maybe, just maybe... this is the reason.
There are times when we just care for ourselves, all attention goes to ourselves. And mostly, at that time, we became so damn selfish and start to forget everything--including the purpose of the situations, our Lord, and so on.

That's why I write that letter for you. Read it over and over and over, until you understand what I've understand at that time. As I write that letter--and as the time goes--I can notice another people's struggle as well. I barely know that everyone goes on something I don't even know. We are all having our own journey--with so much things such as struggle and sacrifice.

Don't forget all the lessons you've got through the hard way. Don't ever forget the traces--the scars--you've seen.

Tidak banyak yang bersedia mendengarkanmu. Sekalipun kamu bersikeras, sungguh hanya akan ada segelintir orang yang menanyakan dengan nada penuh perhatian--bukan sekedar keingintahuan--tentang keadaanmu yang sesungguhnya. Hanya orang-orang tertentu yang mampu mengetahui tentang duniamu sendiri, tentang sinyal-sinyal yang kau kirim lewat tatapan mata, lekukan senyum, gestur tubuh, dan nada dari setiap kata yang kau ucap.

Jangan marah. Jangan salahkan orang-orang yang tidak bersedia memahami. Jangan kutuk mereka ‘hanya’ karena mereka enggan tahu tentang perjuanganmu. Kamu hebat. Perjuangan dalam diammu sungguh telah berhasil, toh buktinya mereka tidak tahu.

Ada kenyataan yang harus diterima, lebih banyak lagi yang harus “berdamai” dengan dirimu sendiri. Ada hal-hal yang tidak akan bisa berjalan seperti apa yang kamu inginkan, sekeras apapun kamu mencoba. Dunia ini tidak kejam, orang-orang itu tidak punya kekuatan untuk menggelapkan dirimu. Mereka ada untuk membuatmu menghargai segelintir orang yang dengan susah payah berusaha memahamimu. Mereka ada untuk membuatmu merasa bahwa sekalipun mereka—bahkan dirimu sendiri—tidak paham, Tuhanmu paham. Dan Tuhanmu tidak akan meninggalkanmu, tidak akan berpaling meski engkau memutuskan pergi, tidak akan menolak kedatanganmu, dan tidak akan ‘menutup mata’ terhadap apa yang engkau kerjakan, usahakan, serta niatkan.

Untuk kamu yang sudah susah payah berjuang dan akan terus melakukannya, untuk kamu yang sedang meluaskan pikiran dan melapangkan dada.. Semoga Allaah senantiasa melindungimu. Aamiin.

All of this, the hardest one you thought, may not be the hardest.
Cause life will keep going on, time is ticking, and by then, you'll be a stronger person if Allaah will.
You won't even realize, you'll be wondering why you consider this one as the hardest one.
You have Allaah. All over the time. All over the situations.
Allaah won't let go of you, as long as you want to be guided by Allaah.
Allah never leave you, but then sometimes you just decided to leave Him.
So don't even think to distance yourself from Allaah.
Cause if it's not Allaah, then who else?
No one will be there. Except Allaah.
Say Alhamdulillah, and let's seek Allah's ridha :)

Remember, Your Lord has been made you perfectly! You are amazing, In Shaa Allaah.
But then, let's be more amazing. Let's be what Allah likes.
Cause what else can we do to show Him our gratitude?
CMIIW